Monday, November 2, 2009

Everything I ever needed to know I SHOULD have learned in kindergarten

But I didn't. Everything I ever needed to know I actually learned Saturday night.

1. Chew your food. Even Fido puts more teeth marks on his pork chops. Jeezus, woman! You frikking pig!

2. When a cute girl with feathers for eyelashes and sparkly red baby fairy wings offers you treats from her fairy pouch, kiss her on the lips and then run! Run far, far away!

3. Always ask what it is BEFORE you put it in your mouth. Actually, I should have learned that one in pre-school.

3. Don't drink straight whiskey out of a pint glass. EVER. WAAAAAY worse than drinking straight from the bottle. I'm sure Mrs. Bonar taught me that right before she told my parents I should repeat kindergarten for being short and left-handed (not kidding, true story). I must have forgotten.

4. Take note of everything that makes you horny: Him. Figs. Beetles. Chainsaw gas. Curls. Warm sand. Cool sand. Sand. Hummingbird wings. Frog feet. Full moon. Any moon. His hands. Books. Wet wool. Woodsmoke. Dry grass. Crickets. India Ink. Slippery mushroom heads. Turtles. River shallows. Lollipops. Hay bales. Peppermint lip gloss. French roast. Scarves. His legs around my stomach. Running. Cargo nets. Wooden boxes. Parchment. Trapeze artists. Fried corn. Lemon meringue pie. Clouds. His eyes. Spiral bound notebooks. Live music. Freshly cut alfalfa hay. Elk meadows. Truck tires. Cracked earth. Snakes. Piss and sunshine in my hair. Wood piles. Dried beans. The last leaf. Caterpillars. Blue cheese dressing. Cartwheels. Fishing. Moss. Huckleberries. Old car smell. Typewriter keys. Burn piles. Octopus tentacles. Happy people. Gosh, just about everything. And definitely his everything. Makes me horny.

5. Forget about the things that don't: Mean people. A really good partially chewed pork chop dinner sacrificed to the party gods. Right wing homophobic nut jobs. That's about it. Fuckin'-A!

6. Put it all into perspective.

7. Party on!


ps -- guess what? Tonight is the FULL BEAVER MOON! Letting out a big ol' howl for that one!


Erobintica said...

what a wonderful list of horny-making things!

BadAssKona said...

You are, without a doubt, THE most sensual person I have EVER known! Next time, though, I'm going to put your pork chop into a blender....

WV: "Slensi"
Def: A good description of how you looked on Halloween!!

Danielle said...

pretty list..while i read it i went back and forth between "oh that turns me on too" and " oh..really???"...:-)))

Craig Sorensen said...

Great pearls of wisdom, Gina.

Gotta love a full beaver moon!

And I'm thinking maybe Mrs. Bonar needed one. Some day well exchange school stories and I'll tell about the teacher that wanted to hold me back in third grade.

neve black said...

Love your horny list. I was checking some of those off in my mind too. Great pictures! You're so damn cute, Miss, Howl at the Full Beaver Moon, pants. ;-)

Gina Marie said...

Robin! Do you have a list?

Gina Marie said...

BAK, true love, baby! But I really will chew every bite from now on. It's just that your chops are so tasty! That skull mask is hot! You just look so good with a pelvis on your face!

Gina Marie said...

Danielle, what a strange and wonderful world, eh?

Gina Marie said...

Hello Miss Neve! Oh, Howl at the Moon Beaver Pants! I want a pair of those!!!!

Donna said...

Pork chop smoothies, mmmmm! Lovely photos and lovely lists and lessons for us all. I agree with BAK, you are one cinnamon-scented sensual siren :-).