Monday, April 20, 2009

Farewell Parkay!

We are gathered here today to bid farewell to a poor, lost soul. An imposter lies in this shallow grave. And yet, because the sun doth shine in spite of the clouds, we celebrate life instead of fearing the darkest of transgressions, the most vile of sins, the most serious of crimes against mankind: Deceit, degradation, and false advertising. Poor, weak Parkay, my friends, fell into the hands of evil-doers, those who would squeeze cheap veggie oil into cubes, wrap it like a gift, and sell it to the masses as a "healthy" substitute for good living. Bullshit! The day is done. The bells have tolled. Parkay is no more. Farewell. Ding dong the Parkay is Dead!

Oh the sweet bye and bye. We shall sing on that beautiful shore The melodious songs of the blessed; And our spirits shall sorrow no more, Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.

Now......we drink! We party! We saute! We bake! We dine and dance and sing praises to the heavens for the return to this kitchen of the honesty and rich, lovely, golden, creamy, buttery goodness. May Parkay find salvation and repentence in a better place. (And I don't mean hell, 'cause that's where the real party's gonna be -- Parkay deserves something much, much better than that -- something soft and fluffy and boring).

Butter is so sweet. Here is butter at the open casket.....just before the jazz funeral. Not a tribute, oh no, butter ain't no dummy -- just a really great excuse to get down and par--(not K)--tay!

Obituary Cocktail

2 oz. gin
1/4 oz. dry vermouth
1/4 oz. Absinthe
Stir with ice. Strain into a cocktail glass.


Top photo: The bleeding hearts have emerged! My favorite perrenial. Hello spring!


BadAssKona said...

So incredibly, wonderfully, twisted!!!

Donna said...

I LOVE this! Thank you for allowing us to pay our respects with photographs from the ceremony. Rest In Peace, indeed.

Erobintica said...

it's not nice to fool with Mother Nature


RIP indeed!

Now, for one of those cocktails!

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi BAK -- Twisted? Who? Me?

Donna! The sun is shining this morning and the chocolate chip cookies came out just right.

Hi Robin -- Amen Sister!

Jeremy Edwards said...


Anonymous said...

oh brother

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi Anonymous,

Oh brother? You must be a lover "the spread." Eat up! Enjoy! Spread like you've never spread before! Go for the gusto! There's plenty of Parkay to go around. But you'll have to dig it up first. The good news is, thanks to the fine spring weather around here, the corpse is still warm.