Thursday, March 26, 2009


The little plane seems too small. The engine whines as it climbs to 13,000 feet....higher than that big mountain over there. Fear-o-mones fill the cabin. Smiles are tight. Nerves are brittle. Except for this guy in a bright blue wing suit. He looks truly happy. And free. His face is lit up beneath a feather-topped helmet and purple goggles. There are hooks and snaps and buckles. There is my dark blue signature on bright white paper. "Yes, I know this could kill me, but if I stay on the ground and just watch, I'll die a different kind of death, a slow painful one. Yes. Yes. Yes. I understand the rules." There are strong men with altimeters. The pilot is laughing. The ground is no longer visible. The plane spirals up, up, up, tighter and tighter, then levels off. My feet are numb. My heart is all wings and talons. I want this desperately. I am scared out of my mind. Door opens. Thumbs up. Jump! I am flying. Flying. Free-falling, but there is no feeling of falling, no sensation of it, only floating. The air is soft. I can breathe. Pure oxygen. Time stops. Completely. My mind is empty. Everything is clear. Adrenaline replaces my blood and pumps my wings. I can see the happy bird man below, soaring. I am alive! This is writing. This is jumping. This is letting go, saying yes, saying now, saying wheeeee!

Oh, that was such a fun day -- and I took the leap before I turned 40! My new goal is to fly a little each day, say yes to something, let go of fear.....I want to be like that easygoing thrillseeker. Free. Fearless. Smiling and soaring in a bright blue wing suit.

Photo: Free Fall III at Deviant Art


Erobintica said...

Oh my!

It's funny, I'm afraid of heights (not petrifyingly though) but I've always wanted to go up in a hot air balloon. Which my husband thinks is interesting because of said fear.

good for you KM!

EllaRegina said...



Oh, I envy you! I dream of doing this but am too full o'fear.


And that the jump should inspire such a beautiful piece of writing.

Thank you, Birdie.

Hey, my Ver Word is avinva which sounds related to birds, aviation and victory!

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi Robin, oh you should definitely go up in a big balloon. I bet once you got up there and they turn off the burners and you're sipping champagne and listening to the silence all around, you'd never be afraid of anything again!

EllaRegina, hear-hear for birds, aviation & victory! I was very full of fear, but my friends got me a gift certificate and one must save face, you know. I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie....they thought it was time for something BIG. I'm so glad I did it. Tandem skydiving is actually very safe....I did look up the statistics :)