Thursday, January 15, 2009

Rocky road, thunder eggs & boys in ruffles

Now I've done it.

Erotic astrology was the last thing on my mind when I walked into this quirky little shop for some homemade fudge.

Something about the place kept me wandering further and further back, past the mystical rocks, past the angel cards and incense, past the feng shui bells, way, way back beyond the magic salt lamps and hand-dipped happiness & serenity candles. I found three shelves of used books, two for a dollar. For charity. So I ended up leaving with rocky road fudge, some cool thundereggs for the boys, a little packet of Tibetan rocks for my treasure box, and "About him, for her....Erotic Astrology" by Olivia.

Olivia says my man should have strawberries and shrimp, sangria and "submissive salad." She says my guy loves beautiful surroundings (he is very good at arranging the furniture). She exclaims that he is turned on by sweet seduction. True. Very true. She says the man needs candlelight. Mmm hmmm (once he said, "you look beautiful in this dim light") why thank you my sweetness -- such a way with words, my furry, satin-loving Libra.

Oh, oh, what have we here? Olivia says my guy has a deep-seated and unconscious need for cross-dressing! Sweet! Now we're getting to the real fun. I have just the panties for him to try on! They are red and black satin with gorgeous ruffles. So I went down to the man cave to tell him all about it. Didn't go over so well! He says he has no desire for ruffles. None whatsoever. Bear growl. Snort. Ball scratch. 

Fine, but Olivia and I know better. Just a matter of opening that little blossom of longing within. I know what to get him for Valentine's day, but we'll just stick to that submissive salad for now -- hee. 

I began a memoir class today with the amazing Ariel Gore. The student group is diverse and interesting and serious but not frightening. I hadn't planned on taking a memoir class -- there was some class shuffling due to low turnouts -- I was moved from plot to erotica to short stories to memoir. Perhaps it was meant to be! In any case, I got my bubble tea, city excursion, and workshopping fix all in one outing. I went into the bubble tea cafe and something pulled me further and further in, past the enormous tapioca straws, back against the far wall where I found the most amazing prints by a Portland pinup artist, Brenda Dunn. She has a shop at Etsy! I purchased a small print similar to the one below. Isn't it delicious!

On the way home, I got the giggles as I headed over the bridge from Oregon to Washington. Thanks to Emerald and Neve who had me going through my entire pantry this morning looking at jar lids. Nothing! My lids are a big disappointment. But then on the bridge I first passed a sign that said, "Wind gusts next two miles." The next sign read, "Oregon thanks you, come back soon," but I remembered it as "come again soon" until I looked it up when I got home. At the offramp I was sandwiched between a "Nobody does it like Sara Lee" truck and a custom painted business vehicle with the slogan "the industrial erector set." Good grief! At the store, I forgot to go to the pharmacy because I got so distracted reading jar lids from the peanut butter to the hot sauce. There's a lot of wasted space out there. The lid are a great marketing opportunity! Enough with "safety pop-up." Get creative people! The Vlasic pickles by far make the most of their lid space with funny, creative slogans.

The light was so perfect this evening so I raced to the lake before dinner. The water, the sky, the cracked rocks and grasses and branches....I couldn't get enough. It got dark much too soon.


BadAssKona said...

I think it's "Come again, soon." Beautiful photos!

Kirsten Monroe said...

Is it? I remembered it almost right then. I found an Oregon sign online, but maybe the bridge sign is "special." Of course it is!

The lake shore was all gooey yummy and covered with abandoned snail shells. Ah, it was so gorgeous out tonight -- and right now even -- starry sky!

BadAssKona said...

The lake photo is lovely. I wish I was out there, in the kayak, stroking, gliding, stroking, gliding.....

Craig Sorensen said...

Great photos. Thanks for a lovely journey and a nice belly laugh to start my day.

Umm. Good luck with hubby and submissive salad. Maybe you need to ease him in to the cross-dresser state with a little Eddie Izzard stage getup.

Some nice shiny pants and five inch heels.

Just kidding, Mr. Monroe!

Emerald said...

This entire post had me laughing all the way through. By the time you got to the part about the "Nobody Does It Like Sara Lee" truck I was almost falling off my couch. Oh, good stuff.

And Vlasic is exactly where it came from!!

Those photos are so beautiful. I liked the top one (in the group of four at the end of the post) best until I got to the very bottom. I think I found that one of the "cracked rocks," as you described them so nicely, even more captivating. Thanks! spam word is "rucha." Like the panties! ;)

Erobintica said...

Those pictures look so warm to me! It's -8 degrees here this morning. It's sunny though, so they're promising it'll get up to 14. That lake picture is gorgeous. I want to take a walk - maybe I'll be brave.

As for the ruffled panties bit, I think my spam word is something a guy might wear with them - snesac.

Neve Black said...

I had a busy day yesterday, so I'm justing blogging in now.

Gorgeous photos. Hmmm...submissive salad and cross dressing is ideal for a Libran man, huh? I'm curious about your sign? :-)

I have that same crazy behavior once something gets burned into my head, I can't let it go - scouring the lids of jars for good sexual marketing slogans. Too funny, Kirsten. :-)

Here's one:

Jack Daniel's: The other's don't have Jack!....It's not sexual, but still a great double entendre.

Kirsten Monroe said...

Thanks for all the great comments!

BadAss, a kayak would have been perfect on the lake last night! There was nobody around -- strange. Come out and play! What's wrong with the peeps around here?

Craig, I think I'm going to have to study Eddie Lizzard and get some ideas, though the panties on the pillow didn't go over too well last night. Geez! Mr. Monroe knows he'd better chill out and have some fun or I'll just get weirder :)

Emerald, I love it when I somehow make people fall off of their couches! I live for that! YES! I thought of you this morning when the frozen green gem-colored moss on the path was sparkling in the sun. It reminded me of pretty, sparkling Emerald.

Oh no Neve, now I have to go to the liquor store. That's probably where the really wild ones are!! I'm a Leo -- surprised?

Hey Robin, the man's snesac is still shriveled just from mentioning cross-dressing :) It's only about 44 degrees, but that's like the Bahamas compared to where you're at!

OK all - tell me your or your guy's sign and I'll send you a note with Olivia's recommendations for the kind of salad he should be eating -- and how he likes his pleasure!

Erobintica said...

My guy is a Leo.

Salad huh? Tossed salad? Hmmmmm.

my word is cheliess - sounds like something to go in a salad, right?

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi Robin,

Might as well just put your special Leo instructions here -- in case there are any others out there who need a leg up :)

Leo --

*Steady praise is his soul food!

*He likes to play like a kid but he also loves mystery and intrigue from his lovers.

*Forget the salad. Feed him teasing appetizers like caviar, wild, wild rice & bananas sauteed with cognac & creme de cocoa.

*"Leo rules the heart, back and spine." A relaxing warm oil massage followed by awakening kisses from neck to toes will make him crazy.

*Get the exhibitionist some mirrors!

*Here's a good one -- Ben Wa balls and honey-dipped silver Chinese vibrating sex eggs!

Sounds like a good time to me!

Craig Sorensen said...

Okay Kirsten,

I'm a Cancer. Let me have it!

Erobintica said...

*wow* sounds good to me ;-) though he's not much of an exhibitionist at all, LOL.

My spam word is hilarious


either for temporarily restoring female virginity or a variation of humpin (maybe while pretending to sing from a hymnal) - oh, I'm bad this morning.

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi Craig,

Here goes!


*You sweet, sensitive, emotion-driven man! You are ruled by the powerful moon. You make the world your cocoon and make your lover feel like a queen (Duke of Windsor was a Cancer).

*You have a strong attachment to "mom." You may be tempted by beauty, etc., etc., but the sympathetic woman shall have you.

*Wow! You should be fed the oyster orgy with beer in a pony glass, lusty lobster, succulent salad, and immoral mousse!

*Bad boy! Cancer wants to be spanked, soothed with sweetness and oil, the woken back up with spankings again and again, then breastfed, bathed and powdered by his adoring lover/mommy.

*Your biggest fantasy. Say goodbye to Mommy. Total domination. "When the moon is right, when it's shining softly through the window on your tender shoulders, let him know through your body language that you are submissive; that he has full control to choreograph the night. His fantasy is to dominate your body and mind. Full control."

Hope y'all have fun!

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi again Robin,

Hympin! Yes! Could be my favorite spamword ever.

I forgot the part about how Leo loves it when you show amazement at the world with him, "share his wonder of life, marvel at every sunrise." (I can relate to that!)

And....if he is shy and not an exhibitionist (that he knows of yet, he-he) his fantasy is for you to put on the most outrageous, slutty outfits you can find and parade around him, teasing him as one of his most dominant fantasies is to be "sexually served."

"Don't forget for a moment what a turn-on it will be to have Leo to lie back and watch you caress yourself."

Emerald said...

"I thought of you this morning when the frozen green gem-colored moss on the path was sparkling in the sun. It reminded me of pretty, sparkling Emerald."

Oh, thank you! I was out of town without my computer this weekend and am catching up...what a lovely thing to encounter. I'm blushing!