Friday, November 14, 2008

Try this at home

Broadcasting live from Main Street USA. That's my tea up there. Arabian Jasmine that promises to carry me to exotic places. I only wish I would have asked for a prettier cup. The "handcrafted silken pouch" would have a better effect in a more adorable crucible.

So I bought some new lip gloss. It's actually "lip plumper." It promises to make me look younger, fresher, pouty "and a little dangerous."

I got the idea that maybe plumper works on other places. This is before I looked up the whole plumping science and read that the way plumpers work is that they "heat up the fat."

....More later!

Whew. Busted blogging in public. Anyway, I got this idea to try the plumper somewhere else. I couldn't wait. So I got out my plumper in the ladies room. Just a little dab. Holy crap! I'm feeling a little dangerous all right, and my pussy is too. I wish I had a mirror. I'd like to see my dangerous pout. I'm feeling like Angelina Jolie-down-there. I think maybe I'm going to levitate right off the couch.

So I looked this plumper up. Scientifically speaking, it's basically just carmex with a heavy gloss and a bigger price tag. I could probably buy a gallon of pure plumper without all the other crap for few dollars at the chemical factory. Heats things up, gets the blood flowing. Well, it's kind of fun. Until a friend shows up, you slam your lid shut and try not to fly off the couch.

The couch, by the way, is a nice 50's green that matches the brocade pattern in my blouse and the dragon flies on my purse. I think this is a good luck sign. Like seeing three geese fly overhead.

Reporting live is very exciting, but I really think I should go home now.

My advice for the day: Think before you plump. And definitely, please, begging you -- try this at home, not in the corner coffee shop!


Neve Black said...

I'm so glad you mentioned the green brocade couch. God, I love that!

Hmmm...plumping, and pumping up the lips in public sounds like crazy-fun to me. Maybe your lips are exhibitionists?

My spam word is suffel: Sue fell (suffel) down and bumped her lips; making them plump. :-)

Jeremy Edwards said...

And definitely, please, begging you -- try this at home, not in the corner coffee shop!

Well, I have nothing to worry about, because my café is in the middle of the block. So bring on the plumping!

And—I kid you not— my spamwrod [stet] is fackit.

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi Neve & Jeremy,

"Maybe your lips are exhibitionists?" Yikes! I hadn't thought about that.

Love your spamword Jeremy -- you should be King of the Spamwords!

Jeremy Edwards said...

you should be King of the Spamwords!

I'm honored—but I don't have a thing to wear! Hang on ... [Adds condoms to shopping list.] Okay.

Now, my present spamword is ingle ... and it seems to me that the spamwords are beginning to look more like real words. And if the spamwords are going to look more like real words, we may have to start making our real words look more like spam words. That could be a bit of a mrfglonx.