Friday, November 21, 2008

Never leave home without it

Advice on Keeping Men from the Aunt with Six Husbands

All through my childhood,
they’d come for me,
The old aunts, lips pushed out
looking for a kiss, lifting my skirts
tugging at my shirts
And peering in…

“Are the peach blossoms blooming?”

Then, when springtime after springtime passed
Without a single bud,
no bees
and the lack thereof
of pollination,
The old aunts offered more advice…

“Always let the man move heavy furniture, dear,
makes them feel powerful.”

Every time my man took off
The old aunts, they’d pipe up again…
Oh, they knew just where I’d gone wrong,
why he left me all alone
without protection or money, fending for myself.

“Always wear pretty dresses
for your man. Get your hair done by a professional, buy expensive fragrances.
You’ll keep the next one for sure.”

“Let them win at tennis.”

Finally, when all the aunts were gone but one,
she reached her jeweled hand toward me

“Dear, come here,” she whispered…
The words were garbled, her breath ragged. But I could
Barely make out her final words of advice.

“None of it works, none of it.
What did we know?”

The old aunt pushed up her sagging right breast,
took a long drag off her Camel.

“But there is one last thing. This one really works.”

I leaned closer.

“Never leave the house without


I seriously did have an aunt who peeked down my blouse looking for "peach blossoms." The woman cursed me.

But I have managed to keep a man for awhile -- I don't think it's my lipstick or my lack of tennis skills. I'm pretty sure it's the macaroons.

This version has a bit of holiday flair.

A-cup be damned Macaroons
1/2 cup (1 stick) salted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons finely grated orange peel
3 large eggs
24 ounces sweetened flaked coconut (about 6 cups firmly packed)
6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted

Position rack in center of oven; preheat to 325°F. Line 3 large rimmed baking sheets with parchment. Using electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until smooth. Add sugar and salt; beat until blended. Beat in orange peel, then eggs, 1 at a time. Mix in coconut. Drop batter onto sheets by tablespoonfuls, spacing 1 1/2 inches apart.
Bake macaroons, 1 sheet at a time, until golden on bottom and browned in spots, 25 to 30 minutes. Cool completely on sheets.
Using fork, drizzle chocolate over macaroons. Chill on sheets until chocolate is firm, about 30 minutes.


Craig Sorensen said...

Terrific poem.

I'll bet the macaroons help, but methinks the secret to your success might be something more. :-)

Kirsten Monroe said...

Hi Craig!

Any pheasants out for a stroll lately? Maybe the secret is something more, but there is something magical about a hot, fresh-baked macaroon!