Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Lambchops anyone?

Greeks apparently have more sex than anyone else on the earth. They also have the lowest rates of fidelity. So....once you've had one Greek, you've had them all? The Italians, it is reported, have the most orgasms. It's time to plan a European vacation!

The weather is still hot, but no longer sinfully so. It will be a good evening for relaxing on the patio with a sumptuous Greek dish.....and some more of that big ripe Italian vino.

Grilled Lambchops with Olive Oil and Rosemary
8 small or 4 large lamb loin chops, 1-inch thick (about 1 1/2 pounds)
1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary (the leaves from 1 large or 2 small sprigs)
1 teaspoon minced garlic (about 1 large clove)
Zest of 1 lemon
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepperHeat grill to medium-high flame. While the grill heats, wash the lamb chops, dry with paper towels and trim away excess fat. Combine the rosemary, garlic, lemon zest and olive oil in a shallow baking dish. Season with salt and pepper and stir to combine. Coat both sides of each lamb chop with the rosemary-lemon mixture and set aside until grill is hot. Grill until nicely browned but slightly pink inside, about 2 to 3 minutes per side.

Oh, and for Jeremy and Mortimer, I finished this crazy thing. It went totally wacky. Sometimes these stories truly get away from me.

Guy's Night Out
by KM

The embarrassing thing was, I’m the one who invited Zeus to the party. He belonged to an arrogant yet intriguing young gun named Jack. He (Jack) walked and talked with a swagger. The cousin of a neighbor’s sister-in-law, I met him at a backyard barbecue. He offered me a beer while I was admiring my friend’s artfully done koi pond.

“I built Erica’s pond,” Jack boasted. “Koi fucking rock.”

“Do they? Well, they are obviously beautiful,” I said. “But I never considered that they may also fucking rock.”

“They totally fucking rock. You’re hot. Get you a beer?”

Well, it could have, should have ended right there. But when Jack returned with my beverage, there was no stopping him.

“I heard you’re a toy maker,” Jack grinned, tossing back a foamy swallow. “My name’s Jack. I'd love to order one of your 'Dick-in-a-Box' pleasurements."

“For your girlfriend?”

"Nah, I’m single. I don’t want commitment or love. All I ever ask of any woman is that she give me her pussy. I have quite a collection. I collect cuntkus. But Zeus deserves to be immortalized in a physical way. I want it for me."


Jack sat on the rock ledge of the pond and dipped his fingers into the water. “You know -- Japanese sex poetry. Five-seven-five. Cuntku.”

He smirked at his own cleverness.

But Jack wasn’t joking. He went on. “Cuntku. Smutku. Slutku. Kinku. Hot tender bits. Short and sweet and carefully counted measure by measure, straight from the hot, wet mouths of babes."
He went on and on.
"Something to remember them by. Ahhh...the divinely inspired Lucretia, Puss in Boots, Fair Juliet, name a few. My lovely, lovely ladies. They all seem to have such a way with words.”

Somehow this golden bad boy was speaking my language. He'd named himself without prompting and without flinching. Zeus. Lightning and rage. How divine.

So I invited Zeus to bring Jack along to one of my parties.

In the dildo room, my pretty friend Sarah and I gave Jack a nice, sensuous massage – just his back and shoulders -- to get things started. Before we could even get to his hips or ass, Zeus exploded in Jack’s pants like Mount Vesuvius.

“That’s Zeus,” Jack smiled. “Always popping off like that.”

“How will we immortalize him if he’s blowing like a geyser every five minutes?”

“Whiskey,” Jack said. “Bring me some whiskey. That ought to hold him off.”

I brought Jack a fifth of Wild Turkey and told him to drink up. He lay back on the bed where Seductive Sarah began preparing him for the mold. Ka-boom! Her pinkie grazed Zeus’s ornery little tip when he went off like a cannon.

I’d never seen anything like it. As soon as Zeus threw down a lightning bolt, he was back up again, ready for more. But amazing as it was, this simply wouldn’t do.

“Jack honey,” I said, trying to be sensitive. “You might want a Zeus-in-a-Box to play with later, but we’re going to have to tame that thing for at least 15 minutes.”

Then I had an idea, inspired by my soul patch that had begun whispering cuntku from down below.

“Sarah – would you be a dear and wrap up the party? I’m going to handle this one on my own.”

“Sure, no problem,” she sighed. “Buh-bye stud.”

Zeus winked.

“Now what – we put Zeus in a vice?” Jack was as flip as could be.

“Time is money baby!” I said, both annoyed and incredibly excited. “I don’t care if he’s a Greek God. Zeus needs to behave!”

“What are you, a lion tamer?”

“I’ve been called that, yes. On your hands and knees, beast!”

“Yes ma’am!” Jack let out a giddy roar and got onto all fours.

I retrieved my silver paddle and smacked him hard on the ass.

Oh come now!

Zeus exploded on impact.

“Zeus loves a good spanking,” Jack said, wiggling his ass.

I grabbed Jack’s balls hard and squeezed. Ka-boom!

“Zeus can’t be for real!”

I climbed atop Jack’s muscular back and leaned my body across him, rubbing my tits on his shoulders, licking his neck, and tickling his ears with my tongue.

“Oh that’s very nice,” he groaned.

I reached underneath and let Zeus fill my hand. He lasted all of one upstroke and one down before he went and blew his wad all over my fist.

Now, I’m no poet, but my kitten was purring like a lady lion -- whispering heavenly cuntku. Incredible! I began to repeat it into Jack’s ear.

Softly, sweetly, patiently, I chanted.

Zeus was rapt, listening intently as I whispered, moaned and growled naughty, lustful cuntkus in carefully measured syllables. Five-seven-five. Five-seven-five.

I pushed Jack onto his back and whispered with slow, soft breaths, taking my time. Five-seven-five. Zeus simply smiled. I stroked and tickled, spanked and panted, all the while lip-syncing the erotic naughty bits incanted by my poetic pussy.

It’s too embarrassing to repeat, but I have to say, my naughty girl delivered some hot lines.

At last, I gripped Jack by the shoulders and buried Zeus deep within my storm clouds.

It took all night and more than a few shots of whiskey and Ouzo, but at last Zeus learned to behave.

Some things are simply meant to be. Lying back on the sweat-soaked sheets, Zeus finally immortalized in high-quality silicone, I pressed Jack’s head to my chest and gazed down at the satisfied, sleeping deity.

It was time to reveal my love nest’s name.

“Zeus, are you awake?”

He smiled weakly, exhausted but happy.

“Welcome to Mount Olympus.”


Jeremy Edwards said...

Applause!!! [from both me and Mortimer]

KM said...

Thanks! Yummy, the lambchops are almost done. So tender and juicy!